This week, we have an appointment with Léa to understand the cultural and societal differences between the French and Quebecers on the subject of sexuality and romantic relationships. Having been an expatriate in Canada for three years, she has had the opportunity to discover all sorts of forms of love here, much more than what she could have encountered in France. To illustrate this new way of loving, she decided to share her story.
The big leap into the unknown! Heading for Canada
When I arrived in Canada, I was barely eighteen years old. I had just graduated high school and was setting off on what was shaping up to be the greatest adventure of my life. No more parents on my back, new friends, new places: the dream of any young adult wanting to break free. The only downside was that I was leaving my first love behind me. After many discussions, I managed to convince him to try a long-distance relationship. Although we didn't know when or how we would meet again, we had decided to trust in destiny. Once the big goodbyes were said, I took off towards the other side of the Atlantic.
A dream of freedom, heartbreak and new relationships
1. My new environment, my first difficulties in Montreal, land of adventures
When I arrived in Montreal, I spent my days meeting new people from all over the world. However, I noticed that many of them were French, which was not surprising since Montreal is very popular with the French thanks to the Francophonie and bilateral agreements facilitating immigration. My first days were spent almost entirely away from home, since it was the integration week for the first years. It only took me a few hours to realize that the time difference would be a real challenge to talk to the man I thought was the man of my life. Six hours, half a day. Our rhythms no longer matched.
2. Adjusting to distance, a real love puzzle across time zones
We eventually got used to our new lifestyle. I would stay up late to talk to him when he woke up, and he would get up early to say goodnight. The distance taught us to be creative, sexually speaking: simultaneous masturbation during our calls, sexy photos, anything went to show how much we missed each other. We had established a little game of constant excitement, whether it was at parties, in class or at work, maintaining an exciting tension between us. We had even acquired a few things before I left that spiced up our lovemaking—especially mine.
3. The reality of long-distance relationships: a challenge to overcome
Unfortunately, this lifestyle was difficult to maintain. Although I loved him with all my heart, my new life left me little time to talk to him. The first serious conversations were not long in coming. Inside me, I felt a contradiction between my love for him and my desire to discover new things. At a party, I met a Quebecer who told me about his open relationship with his boyfriend. Although I knew that it existed, I had never met anyone who practiced it. While talking with him, I realized that Quebecers seemed much less exclusive than the French. When I tried to approach the subject with my "boyfriend", the answer was immediate: a categorical no. After a few months of struggling and some major slip-ups on my part, my first love came to an end, not without tears. Although this breakup broke my heart, it marked the beginning of my discovery of one-night stands.
4. The end of one story, the beginning of another: how to rise from the ashes?
Don't be surprised if you go clubbing in Montreal. Quebecers are very liberated about their sexuality and very outgoing. To tell the truth, I don't really remember the situation in France, but I had the impression that girls here were less afraid of being seen as easy, even with many one-night stands. So I let myself be seduced by the idea of sleeping around without feelings. At first, the Quebec accent destabilized me, but I got used to it, much to the despair of my loved ones. All it took was meeting a few attractive Quebecers for me to find their accent more charming. After having a string of encounters at parties and in places conducive to socializing, I decided to install Tinder. I wanted something more stable and less fleeting. According to a study I conducted for my classes, Tinder often led to relationships in Quebec, contrary to the view we might have of it in France.
5. Exploring encounters: liberation or disillusionment?
At first, I used the app out of simple curiosity, then it became a habit. I would “swipe” on the subway, I would match with people from all over the world, even if it didn’t give me any real satisfaction. Until this boy. I remember smiling when I saw his photo, because I found him extremely cute. I gave in and sent him the first message, after consulting my friends who pushed me to do so. I had the impression that Quebec girls were less shy about flirting, perhaps because of the education here. I let myself be carried away by this dynamic and invited him to have a coffee and go for a walk in the park.
6. A new conception of the relationship: the time of doubt
During our meetings, I noticed that the couple stage for Quebecers comes later. For him, we were "dating" without becoming a couple or being exclusive. This seemed strange to me, because I had the impression that in France, things would have progressed more quickly. Nevertheless, we spent several weeks like this, because he really wanted to take his time and be sure to be "in love" with me before making it official. I had a hard time with this notion of dating, but it gave real meaning to the word couple. At least, I was certain that I would not end up in a relationship with someone who, four months later, would tell me that he was not in love. When it finally happened, and he told me that he wanted to make our relationship official, I was the happiest person in the world.
7. My Personal Reflections, the Quest for True Love
So far, my life looks like this. We are really good together, but I feel like some changes are coming. We have talked about establishing an open relationship several times. Of course, rules need to be defined, but I have the impression that this is more common here than in France. I even met a polyamorous man recently, and my "boyfriend" and I wondered if monogamy was not ultimately what suited us best... Even if I do not regret having experimented with a long-distance relationship, my relationship with a Quebecer taught me a lot about myself and about communication between two people, which is essential to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. I also learned to push my limits of tolerance without ever exceeding them. Here, I feel like I am freer to experiment with my vision of love and relationships as I see fit, and I like that.
With my little story, I wanted to give you an overview of what love is like in Quebec. This story comes from a mix of my life and that of my entourage and is intended to give you a glimpse of how young expatriates can experience love and sexuality on the other side of the ocean. You were able to see with me the difficulties of long-distance relationships, the differences between love among Quebecers and the French. As for sex, apart from the expressions that are sometimes destabilizing, as long as there are two of us wanting the same thing, we end up finding a common language, I assure you.
